How to Get Your Manuscript Published Part 4

Be a Celebrity

Being a celebrity is another way to get your manuscript easily published.  And becoming a celebrity has become easier than it ever has been in the past.

There are three categories of celebrity:

1. The Hero – This is the most difficult celebrity status to acquire.  It comes about after one does something incredibly heroic such as sheltering someone with your body as a subway train goes over the two of you, putting yourself in harm’s way to save your entire squadron during war or pulling a stranger from a burning car moments before it blows up.

Sadly, this is also the celebrity category that has the hardest time getting their book published, though of the three, they have the most to teach us about being good people.  To improve your chances of  getting published in our current culture, try to parlay your heroic celebrity into one of the other two more vacuous celebrity categories.

2. The Reality Celebrity – This Is the easiest celebrity status to acquire and is normally done either by being on a reality television program or doing something so incredibly outrageous that the American public will not rest until they’ve commercialized every aspect of you, complete with merchandise, until they grow tired of you and move on to the next most outrageous person.  The best strategy is to combine the two and become a shocking reality show star.

This celebrity category will have an easier time getting published than the hero but a harder time than the traditional celebrity.

3. The Traditional Celebrity – These are the celebrities that we think of when we think of the word celebrity.  They are the actors and actresses, comedians, athletes, musicians, talk show hosts, models, fashion designers and jobless descendants of super rich people.  Artists don’t make this category because they don’t become famous until after they’re dead and, at that point, it’s difficult to impossible for them to write a book.

This celebrity category will have the easiest time getting published.

Talk to your agent

Once you’ve obtained one of the three statuses of celebrity, it then becomes quite easy to get a book published.  You just say, ‘I’d like to publish a book’ to your agent.  Your agent will then go to the publisher and tell them that they can slap your very recognizable face onto one of their book covers and make money from it with very little investment in publicity in that you will do all the publicity for them as you go from magazine interview, to talk show interview to late night talk show interview to all of your social media platforms doing what you do best: talking about yourself.  Voila!  All the publicity work done and the publisher didn’t have to spend a cent.

Writing the book

You don’t even have to write the book.  In fact, you will probably be encouraged not to write it.  The publisher will provide a ghost writer that will do all the writing but, since they’re a ghost, won’t get any of the credit.  (Ghosts have yet to successfully unionize in that no one can see them when they picket.)

The cover and content

As a celebrity, you only need to show up for the cover shoot and then go on and on about yourself and all your opinions to the ghost writer who will carry the burden of making it all coherent and putting it into book form.

The only exception is if you’re a stand-up comedian.  If you fall into this category, they’ll just have you write your stand-up out and that will be the book.

Your name will take up a quarter of the cover, your face will take up the other three quarters and the title will be in font so small, it’ll look like a little shmutz got on the cover.

And there you have it.  Still yet another easy path to getting published.